Horoscopes

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Always choose your battles wisely. Agincourt sounds like it might have been a good one.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
You might go overboard without even realizing it. But that’s just what happens when dread Cthulhu lulls you into the watery deep.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
They say people swallow at least seven spiders a year in their sleep. But you, my friend, are about to reverse that trend!

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. Which is kind of weird, because that’s like the definition of a forest, now isn’t it?

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
You’re on a collision course with your dreams — but that’s usually when the side-airbags of self-doubt and second-guessing choose to deploy.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
A little learning can be a dangerous thing. So at least you know you’re safe as houses!

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
If you’re not part of the solution, maybe you can at least be part of the solution’s touring company.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
It’s time to try a new communication tactic at work. Semaphore maybe?

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Follow your dreams. Rumor has it they’re up to something sneaky late at night.

Capricorn: (Dec 22—Jan 19)
You’re not the boss of me! But after careful review of your online portfolio and resume, we’d like to make you an offer.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy? Oh, precious, you just aren’t trying!

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
It’s a Jurassic World, we’re all just living in it.

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